I am not perfect. That is hard for me to say. Sometimes I am so afraid to fail that it limits what I put into the world. But the idea of perfection insinuates that something is flawless. That it is faultless. That is an unobtainable place for any of us. And from that place, how would one learn and grow? We would stay stagnant, making no forward progress from that place. We can’t be so afraid of making a wrong step, an imperfect step, that we stop ourselves from moving.
I am in a rut. I am feeling bad about where I am at. I am disappointed in my progress towards my goals. And I used to think that this place was the end of the world. However, I have had the luxury of living this ebb and flow that happens in life and know that this is just part of the process. Without it, I can’t truly feel the highs that will eventually come. I am having a hard time with where I am at but I am also working very hard at accepting that space and trying to move forward. Am I trained for this upcoming marathon the way that I wanted to? No, but I am doing what I can to show up and run. Will I Boston qualify like I had wanted when I signed up? Absolutely not, but I will finish. Do I have the classes that I want right now? No, but I will make the classes I do have the very best that they can be. I will give all of heart to the students that I have and hope for growth. Is my health where I want it? No, but I will strive every damn day to make good choices and be kind to myself.
So, no, I am not perfect. Far from it. But I also know that this too shall pass and that I have to be gentle with myself during these rough times. I have to show myself the same kindness I would show a friend if they came to me feeling this way. We are all imperfect and absolutely amazing at the same time. And I will continue to remind myself of this daily.